Dave Pollard's environmental philosophy, creative works, business papers and essays.
In search of a better way to live and make a living, and a better understanding of how the world really works.



December 30, 2008

Thawing

Filed under: Creative Works — Dave Pollard @ 16:42


forest 1

I’ve been out of town the last few days, on the West Coast. It’s a time of great change for me, a time of coming unfrozen, of astonishing learning and self-discovery and joy and sadness and realization. For the first time in decades I’m really living in the moment, raw, open, vulnerable, present. It’s almost more than I can bear, filled with more emotion than I thought I was still capable of.

It’s going to take me a long time to process it, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to express it in words. Ideas are so simple to say in our strange human languages, and feelings are so hard. I think much of what I write for the next while will be poetry and music, because their languages are at least better suited to communicating, conveying emotion.

I’ve been waiting for this, looking for this, for a long time. Sitting here with a cat named Jez curled up on my coat beside me, in this small strange room. Crying a lot, listening to music that has come to guide me, to stand for me, to say for me the really important things I can’t say. Yet so happy, to have found this again.

Bear with me, I’ll be back. It’s all good. I love you, dear readers. You have been my lifeline for nearly six years now. We are connected in ways that can never be broken. You are all a part of me. I give you a virtual hug, for the long and wonderful journey that still awaits us. Hope to keep seeing you, traveling beside me, sweet “too far ahead” friends.

worryDave


A Timbered Choir
, by Wendell Berry
    
Even while I dreamed I prayed that what I saw was only fear and no foretelling,
for I saw the last known landscape destroyed for the sake
of the objective, the soil bludgeoned, the rock blasted.
Those who had wanted to go home would never get there now.

I visited the offices where for the sake of the objective the planners planned
at blank desks set in rows. I visited the loud factories
where the machines were made that would drive ever forward
toward the objective. I saw the forest reduced to stumps and gullies; I saw
the poisoned river, the mountain cast into the valley;
I came to the city that nobody recognized because it looked like every other city.
I saw the passages worn by the unnumbered
footfalls of those whose eyes were fixed upon the objective.

Their passing had obliterated the graves and the monuments
of those who had died in pursuit of the objective
and who had long ago forever been forgotten, according
to the inevitable rule that those who have forgotten forget
that they have forgotten. Men, women, and children now pursued the objective
as if nobody ever had pursued it before.

The races and the sexes now intermingled perfectly in pursuit of the objective.
the once-enslaved, the once-oppressed were now free
to sell themselves to the highest bidder
and to enter the best paying prisons
in pursuit of the objective, which was the destruction of all enemies,
which was the destruction of all obstacles, which was the destruction of all objects,
which was to clear the way to victory, which was to clear the way to promotion, to salvation, to progress,
to the completed sale, to the signature
on the contract, which was to clear the way
to self-realization, to self-creation, from which nobody who ever wanted to go home
would ever get there now, for every remembered place
had been displaced; the signposts had been bent to the ground and covered over.

Every place had been displaced, every love
unloved, every vow unsworn, every word unmeant
to make way for the passage of the crowd
of the individuated, the autonomous, the self-actuated, the homeless
with their many eyes opened toward the objective
which they did not yet perceive in the far distance,
having never known where they were going,
having never known where they came from.

December 24, 2008

Not Going to Happen: Part Three (Conclusion)

Filed under: Creative Works — Dave Pollard @ 00:42


lions gate studios laura tomona

(This is the conclusion to a three-part story. Part One is here; Part Two is here)

Marisa had just been making fun of Dan. “All he can think of is that he can’t get some young body telling him he’s the most wonderful sexual superstar in the world. Really, you’re so sad, Dan the Man. Ask yourself, please, why this is so important to you? Can you not appreciate music or art if you can’t make it yourself? Why is so much of your self-esteem, your sense of self, caught up in the fact that little girls want little boys (or in some cases other little girls) to kiss them, rather than you? The important thing is loving, giving, not what you get in return. If you need something — a young body or a big house or a fast car or to be famous — you will always be poor, because you will always have less than what you need. Even if you get this thing you need you will find you need something else that you don’t have, and you will always be unhappy. If you give a lot, generously, because it gives you pleasure to do so, and if you need nothing, then you will always be rich and always be happy.”

Jack smiled. “Very wise. Thank you. I think the reason my friend has such trouble believing you is that we humans stupidly invented money, and with money comes the belief that somehow money can buy everything you could ever need or want, so it’s OK to be needy and acquisitive. And then having invented money we had to invent advertising to create more need and want for things that money could be spent on, so it would become scarce. Otherwise money wouldn’t be worth anything. And we had to create a hierarchy so that a few people would actually be able to buy anything money can buy, so that the consumers would keep believing anything can be bought and chasing more money and needing more. And the more need we’ve created the more unhappy and the more stingy we’ve become.” He sighed, and concluded, “Even with love.”

Verdad piped in: “I think you are mostly right — money is a part of it, this perception that everything, every fantasy, every escape, every source of happiness, can be bought if you pay enough for it. But I think, more than that, it’s a matter of idealism. Idealist men are often preoccupied with ideal sex — that perfect beauty and performance. Idealist women, I think, are more concerned with ideal relationships — if you’ve ever read a romance novela you’ll understand this (and if you haven’t, I’d recommend it). What idealist women want in a man is just as unattainable as the 23-year-old perfect female body the 50-year-old man craves. The idealist woman wants to be courted forever by an adoring, beautiful, exciting, brave, accommodating, protecting man. It’s just as dangerous and foolish a fantasy. It is about attention and appreciation that never ends, and we’ve come to believe we can buy or otherwise obtain these things, so, to the idealist, the impossible becomes possible, expectations are always out of reach, and the idealist is always disappointed, always wanting more. He is addicted to what he can’t have. It is really sad.”

Jack nodded. “I suppose. There’s another important difference between the ideal male and female fantasies you describe, though. The woman’s is connected, bonded, enduring, you know, the whole ‘touching souls’ and ‘happily ever after’ thing. The man’s is the opposite — frivolous, fun, free of responsibility, one-night, non-committal. What the woman wants can’t really be bought, but what the man wants can. The man can actually buy his way out of responsibility. And lust is irrational — we want to fuck who we want to fuck. We have no choice over it. It’s instinctive, hard-wired.”

Marisa laughed: “You have a pretty warped view of what women want, and what they are willing to give, Jack. And maybe what most men want too. It’s been said that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love, but that’s an oversimplification. Women aren’t all that different from men. If you put yourself in the position of a young woman, if you can do that, I think you’d see it more clearly. Young women are much like young men — uncertain of ourselves, full of anxiety and hormones, looking for love and for fun, and for relationships and careers to give our lives meaning. Young women want to kiss beautiful young men, and talk about things that only other young people can talk about. You and Dan have no context to know what we want and care about, who we are and what we need. Just as we have no context to understand you, so we dismiss you as — how you say — “dirty old men”. Of course we can talk about philosophy and politics and the purpose of life with you — and that is wonderful, it’s actually better talking with you about these things because you have more experiences that we can listen to and learn from, you have had more practice at living than we have. But young women are not so different from older women either. The song is not true: Girls don’t “just want to have fun”. I love all the guys in our commune, and I’m committed to them. We have responsibility to make our community work, to look after each other, to be always honest and to work very hard and to build relationships that will be durable.”

Verdad hugged her friend, and added: “There’s something else. We women of all ages have a secret. We sustain each other. What we don’t get from men we love, we get from other women. So we expect less from these men than men expect from women. The men we know who can’t be happy with one woman, who believe it is natural to have many relationships with women, don’t know that for many women, they can be happy with one man because they get other things from the women they love. That doesn’t mean we have to limit ourselves to one man, of course”. She winked at Marisa. “But we could.”

“Can I throw something out here in defence of us ‘dirty old men’”? Dan asked. He got smiles all around. “There’s a kind of self-reinforcing thing to our sexual fantasies about young babes with perfect bodies and perfect faces and an insatiable appetite for sex with us geezers and no interest at all in conversation. That’s the thing about fantasies. If you never realize them, you never have to come face to face with the realization that they’re impossible. You two are something else — I think you must be university professors in disguise — but I realize full well that after a night with what seemed to be my perfect fantasy I’d probably wake up with a woman with lots of hang-ups, remorse, unresolved issues. Maybe deep-seated anguish, or a hate-on for all men or some deep low self-esteem problem or unbearable neediness, not to mention a jealous boyfriend with anger management problems, or a sick relative sucking her dry emotionally and financially. I do remember what it’s like to be 23, and it’s not a bed of roses. Sometimes the fantasy is just better than the reality.”

“So you’re saying you keep this impossible fantasy even though you know it’s impossible?” asked Marisa. “And why? What are you running away from that this dream has such attraction for you? This seems a recipe to be forever unhappy. Perhaps it is time for you to grow up, if I may say that to a man…er…who is older than me.” She smiled a bit apologetically.

Dan smiled back. “Well maybe men are just more idealistic on average than women, but yeah, it’s a really nice fantasy, even though I know it’s probably impossible. I know some women, including some I’ve lived with, who have this fantasy about how their relationship with some guy they met back in high school might have turned out. It’s a fairy tale, but it has a real hold on some women. The “what might have been” guy is probably now an alcoholic or a wife-abuser or in prison or something, but as long as the woman doesn’t know, she can keep holding this “might have been” fantasy guy up as the model she judges everyone else by. I don’t see this as much different.”

Verdad nodded at Dan enthusiastically. “Yes, yes. Precisely. This is why, at this time in my life, I’m happy to love a lot of men, and learn from this, and avoid that kind of tragic fantasy. My motto is “no laments”. I want to be based in reality, live what is possible, and while I am also an idealist, I do not care for fantasy. I can love a guy and still see his faults, his scars, and just love him for what he is, not for what he could be.”

Marisa looked at her watch, and announced, “Please excuse us. Verdad and I have to go. We have duties back at the commune. But this has been wonderful, not at all what I had expected. You are true simpático men, Jack and Dan”. “I think both of you will learn to give up your fantasies and discover that reality is better, happier, has more meaning. I think you will find that women your own age can give you far more pleasure and true companionship and durable happiness than you believe, far more than anyone our age could give you. As a good friend of mine once said ‘We choose our own attractions. They are in us and grow with us.’ You will find I think you have more control over your fantasies than you believe. We cannot grow up until we give up our fantasies, our chasing after the impossible.”

“Ah”, said Verdad. “I have something else to give you, something our friend Seppe made in the commune. Is either of you a gardener?” When Jack nodded, she passed him a stone with these words engraved on it:

There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

“It is words by the diva Beverly Sills. Place it in your garden, Jack, and when you and Dan are talking together about your struggles, you will see it. It will give you strength. It will help you to move on. It’s time, I think, for you to move on.”

With that the two young women rose, smiled, hugged the older men (Marisa saying to each in Spanish and English, as she did, “Give more, need less”), and they departed. The waiter came over with the bill, and Jack and Dan just looked at each other, and shrugged. Jack paid the bill and signalled his friend to follow him. “Time to move on”, he said.

Many thanks to my brother Alan, my sister-in-law Morva, dear friends Andrew and Anona and Colleen and Melisa for their comments and ideas on this story, and on its conclusion. Image: Lions Gate Studios, by my neighbour Laura Tomona.

Category: Short Stories

December 23, 2008

Links of the Week — Monday December 22, 2008

Filed under: Our Culture / Ourselves — Dave Pollard @ 18:16


beth patterson bend oregon
Photo by Beth Patterson of Mirror Pond, Bend OR

Finding Home: I’ve written much lately about my search to find where I belong, where my home is. I believe it is in wilderness, in a warm climate, with people I love. I’m spending a lot of time wandering between the three, hoping that somewhere I will find, or can draw, all three together. Chris Corrigan says finding home is discovering people who hold part of your story. So perhaps the search begins with understanding what your story is. This comes, auspiciously, as I return from trips to England, where I was born, and Winnipeg, where I grew up. Neither place is wild, or warm, but…

Give Presence: Design consultant Garr Reynolds (thanks Viv for the link) points us to a video on the religious Advent Conspiracy website that lampoons the commercialism of Christmas and urges viewers, instead of giving presents, to give presence. Not just your time, your presence. There is a difference, but many of us are so time constrained and attention deficit bound we don’t see it.

Be Here, Now: Colleen Wainwright* has another of her wonderful, funny rants about the meaning of life. This is brilliant writing. Teaser:

Because while you are cold and wet and cursing yourself for the lack of foresight in having the appropriate clothes handy with which to greet changed circumstances, you are also noting yourself having learned this lesson, and figuring out how you will do it better next time. While you are being pulled around the course by your wet, wet dog, one frozen claw of a hand clutching an umbrella, the other the lead, switching the bag of poop between them and hoping you do not all slip and fall into god-knows-what kind of dank, nasty mess of a slime-filled pothole, you are also noticing with great, great love in your heart how your poor, wet terrier-dog is walking so valiantly, is so unhappy with the cold and wet while at the same time so grateful to be out in it, and you are glad, too.

The Man in the Corner: Pete McGregor writes about one of the invisible people in our society. If you don’t recognize yourself in the picture he paints, you haven’t been paying attention.

Unrecognized Genius:
I mentioned this article when it first came out, but Evelyn Rodriguez has just reminded me of it. What happens when a celebrated musician dresses anonymously and plies his trade by a subway station? When I was in London, hurrying to catch my train, there was a musician there in the station entrance playing Santana’s Samba Pa Ti on the English Horn. He was astonishing, and could easily have been with the London Symphony. But I was in a hurry…

Time for a Return to Trains?:
I’ve spent much of this week in the UK traveling by train. The system is far from perfect, especially since Thatcher privatized the transportation system into a mess of incompatible routes and schedules with absurdly divergent prices and service levels. What is still public is horribly bureaucratic, and the smallest issue (the ones I encountered were described as a “security threat event”, a “passenger under a train”, and a “construction disruption”) grind much of the tube system to a halt. But these are soluble problems. The good news: Trains can run on electricity, not fossil fuels. Even in areas with antiquated rail systems they are fast (my train to Didcot topped out at 120 mph — 200 km/h). They dramatically reduce carbon emissions. They cost much less per passenger-mile than cars and much less per mile per ton of cargo than trucks. And as Jim Kunstler has pointed out, if we nationalized the Big 3 carmakers into one manufacturer and stop making cars, we could have a dedicated entity to design and introduce much-needed new trains and rail infrastructure within a few years. Thanks to Cyndy for the link.

ABCs: The Newest Environmental Threat: The massive burning of dirty fossil fuels and biomass is not only pushing greenhouse gases past the tipping point. It is also creating huge areas of atmospheric brown clouds, which are making the air toxic in much of China and India, masking global temperature rise by roughly half, destroying crops, causing millions of deaths annually, dimming major cities in struggling nations, and contributing to large increases in glacial melting, extreme rains, runoff and flooding. And if authorities attempt to reduce it, they risk accelerating the rise in global temperature and related extreme climate change. This is yet another self-reinforcing problem connected to human activity and overpopulation. Thanks to Graham Clark in Oz for the link.

What’s in a Name?: Thanks to all those who pointed out that my name was the word of the day last Thursday. To “pollard” means to lop the top off trees so that they can continue to grow. My ancestors, I suppose, were the first sustainable foresters. *Colleen’s last name (orig. wægn-wyrhta) means “maker of wheeled vehicles”.

Thought for the Week: From PS Pirro:

On the Longest Night

The world needs you to go where you want to go and be who you are meant to be.

The world needs you to shine as you were born to shine.

The world needs you as you stumble and fall, it needs you as you rise up, it needs your hands to hold on tight, it needs you to let go.

The world needs your laughter and your power and your grief.

On the longest night of the year, the world needs you to be the light.

December 19, 2008

Not Going to Happen: Part Two

Filed under: Creative Works — Dave Pollard @ 21:24


suicide girls
(Part One is here)

The introductions were simple: “Marisa”, she said, pointing to her friend. “Verdad”, pointing to herself. They sat, side by side, and Verdad grabbed the menu, lightly elbowed her friend, and said something to her, quietly. “Sit”, she said, motioning Jack and Dan to the seats opposite them. She smiled. “We are from Spain, if you are wondering why we talk English funny.”

Jack and Dan sat. The server came over, and the four of them placed their orders.

Verdad went on: “We live on a commune, about ten miles out of town. We grow organic fruits and vegetables. We make clothes — peasant, punk, gothic, the kind of stuff we are wearing — mostly recycled fabrics. We sell in the markets here. That’s why we’re in town today. We also do website design, alternative, very new, provocative.” She took a sip of her drink and reached for the basket of bread. “That’s mostly it. Now you tell us about you.”

Dan introduced his friend as a “logistics coordinator”, and himself as a writer, journalist and music producer. The women looked dubious, smiled at each other wryly. To Jack’s consternation, Dan told them that Jack had recently divorced, that he, Dan, had never found a woman stupid enough to marry him, and that he was now teaching Jack how the dating scene had changed since Jack was last part of it.

“And how has it changed?” Verdad asked. “I am very interested in history”.

Dan was torn. The last line sounded a bit like a reference to their ages, but it was delivered so sweetly, with such an adorable accent, that he discounted the possibility. He tried to explain that since the 1970s dating had become more serious, more considered. He mostly managed to make himself sound old.

“Well, love has always been serious business, no?” Verdad replied. “But at the same time, women are now coming into their own, they are making the moves, they are deciding what is right for them, and going after it, don’t you think?”

Jack was sitting opposite Verdad, too far from Marisa to start a separate conversation, so he decided to jump in. “So how did that happen, then? How do two young women from Spain come to be living here, in a commune? Was it in search of love? Did you know that’s where you would be living when you came here?” For some reason he felt compelled to ask them a question, instead of letting Verdad ask questions that Dan was going to hang them both on.

Verdad looked over at her friend. Marisa said, in a dark, quiet voice: “We came here for fun, more than for love, really. A friend of ours from our village in Spain had come here and found the commune, and said she loved it here, and invited us to visit and to stay. That was a year ago, and we’ve been here ever since. The guys in the commune are wonderful, lovely, caring people. They work hard, and two of them are excellent chefs, and they asked nothing of us except our company. It was impossible not to love them.”

Dan looked a bit defeated at this news. Jack looked relieved, and replied, “So tell us more. How big is the commune, and if the cuisine there is so good, why are you eating in a one-star place like this?”

“Because you asked us”, Marisa said, looking him right in the eye. “It was obvious you liked us, and that it would give you pleasure to have dinner with us. You seemed rather unhappy, and it gives us pleasure in return to do something to make you happy.”

The men said nothing to this. Dan seemed encouraged by her words, while Jack blushed slightly.

Marisa went on: “There are ten of us in the commune, seven men and three women. We are all very fortunate. We come from good families, reasonably wealthy, attractive, strong, healthy. We found each other, and we believe that everything we do is a gift, a giving back of some of the good fortune we have received. This is the responsibility of those that have. Don’t you think?”

Dan remained dumbfounded, not sure what kind of gifts they might be prepared to offer, and uncertain how to discover the answer. Jack was now in his stride, however, and he replied: “That’s a very generous and commendable approach to life. But surely people take advantage of that?” He resisted the temptation to look at Jack.

Marisa responded: “People can only take advantage if you give it. We decide what to give, and to whom. We have been blessed with good looks, and we think it appropriate to show off our beauty, to be generous with it. If you are a great artist or a great chef and you produce beautiful things, you should share these things, with everyone. A gift is to be given. It costs us nothing to dress well and to show ourselves, not arrogantly, humbly. It gives people pleasure. How could we not share that with the world, it would be selfish. But at the same time we are not promiscuous. We are not for sale.”

Verdad smiled and reached into her bag. “These are not for sale now either. We make these in the commune. They are for you, because now you are our friends.” She handed each of the men a small box of handmade chocolates. “You each find a woman, or a man, who makes you happy, you give these on to them. You ‘pay them forward’ as they say in the movie.”

There were thank-yous and then the food arrived, so they said nothing for a few minutes. Jack decided to pursue his curiosity: “And how does this generosity apply to love? One of the tragedies of the world is that there is a scarcity of love, and that people who love others generously don’t always get love in return.”

Marisa laughed. “Verdad is very generous with love.” She nudged her friend gently. “All day today, with all the men in our commune. I had to drag her away to get ready for our trip into the city. It’s a miracle any work got done at all!” The two women laughed at each other.

Verdad said: “You were just as bad last weekend! And how can you resist all these lovely young earnest men, cooking sweet things, wearing nothing except aprons. They needed a reward for all their hard work… and so did I!”

Marisa smiled and turned back to the men. “But seriously,” she said to Jack, “there are different kinds of love, and it is not anything to be stingy with. Verdad and I are content to share our bodies only with the other members of the commune — and no, there are no openings for new members,” she added with a giggle. “That works well for the commune, and keeps us all fit and looking after ourselves. But we show and give love in other ways, ‘make love’ in other ways, with everyone we meet. Just as we have an obligation when we have beautiful things to share them with the world, so too do we have a responsibility to make more love, in many ways, generously, with everyone we meet. So with you, we offer a loving friendship, and loving company, and excellent chocolates, and there is no obligation. Perhaps you have some way of offering love to us today, or perhaps another day when we may meet and you are not so unhappy. Or perhaps the love we have shown you, you will pass on to someone else, later, when you are still or finally feeling warm about life and about other people.” She smiled and winked at Jack.

At this point, Dan took a deep breath and jumped back into the conversation. He reiterated his opening parry from his earlier conversation with Jack, and concluded with a question to Marisa: “So if all the lovely young women like you are only interested in lovely young men, like the men in your commune, and if less young and less lovely men like Jack here still only lust after lovely young women, what is to become of them? Are they doomed to be without the love they want so much? Does old age really inevitably bring more loneliness, as this generous exchange of love leaves them more and more on the sidelines?”

Verdad intervened: “So you are telling me that women of your age have nothing of interest to you? Such women know many things that we don’t know, that they can share. You can have conversations with them that are much richer, more meaningful than you can have with us. You share a — how do you say it? — a context with them. You don’t have to love their bodies if you don’t — no one is asking you to be or do what you are not, or don’t believe. But you can still love them for who they are. Believe me, they probably aren’t that crazy about your body either. But you can still love them, hold them tight, sit them on your lap. You can do that authentically, honestly no?”

When they nodded she went on: “This is not about charity. Generosity is never begrudging, hesitant. If it doesn’t repay you, make you totally happy, to give something, you should never give it. But with practice you learn that you can be happy giving something to everyone, and that is what I think you call ‘win-win’ right? To a child you give attention, a model, answers to questions. To someone who has given you something, a new skill or knowledge or a good joke or pleasant company, you give appreciation. To an adult who gives you appreciation, for your ideas or intelligence or sense of humour or good looks, you give attention and acknowledgement. It’s all good and it all grows and it’s all generosity and it’s all love. The more you give the more you’ll get.”

Marisa was giggling at the glum-looking Dan. “All he can think of is that he can’t get some young body telling him he’s the most wonderful sexual superstar in the world. Really, you’re so sad, Dan the Man. Ask yourself, please, why this is so important to you? Can you not appreciate music or art if you can’t make it yourself? Why is so much of your self-esteem, your sense of self, caught up in the fact that little girls want little boys (or in some cases other little girls) to kiss them, rather than you? The important thing is loving, giving, not what you get in return. If you need something — a young body or a big house or a fast car or to be famous — you will always be poor, because you will always have less than what you need. Even if you get this thing you need you will find you need something else that you don’t have, and you will always be unhappy. If you give a lot, generously, because it gives you pleasure to do so, and if you need nothing, then you will always be rich and always be happy. And then, like us, you will always be in love.”

(to be concluded in Part Three)

(Image from Suicide Girls)
(Acknowledgement: This story was inspired in part by seeing Living Together, part of The Norman Conquests trilogy, a morality play, at the Old Vic in London on Wednesday)

Category: Short Stories

December 17, 2008

Not Going to Happen: Part One

Filed under: Creative Works — Dave Pollard @ 22:32


conversation

“It’s like this, Jack: Guys up to 30 will generally attract women under 25, which is what most men of all ages are attracted to. Guys from 30 to 45 will generally attract women no more than 5 years younger than they are, and they’ll accept that, since the women under 25 are out of reach to them. Once guys reach 45 there is no hope for them — the women they are interested in are too young to be interested in them, unless they are wealthy and the guy’s willing to accept the relatively few younger women looking specifically for wealthy guys. And it’s worse than that. Women generally want a guy who’s taller and darker in complexion than they are. And vice versa — the tall, dark guys are looking for shorter, lighter-complexion women. And the more attractive a woman, the more likely she is to seek a more attractive man. So we’re 47 — 48 — average height, light complexion, average income, average attractiveness. We’re completely SOL, man. Like all the other guys our age, we’re interested in pretty 19-year-old blondes with great bods. Not going to happen. Not in a million years. Get used to it, cause we’re going to be looking after ourselves for the rest of our lives. And even if you were rich you’d just be one more pathetic fat, wrinkly bald guy with a young trophy wife who everyone knows bought his way into her panties.”

Jack and Dan were sitting at the noisy bar called The Stable. Jack was newly divorced. Dan had never married. They’d gone to high school together in the late 70s, and had run into each other last year by accident, having not seen each other in over 20 years. Since then they’d been meeting up in the bar near Jack’s work every second Friday, after his shift at FedEx ended. Dan was a freelance sports reporter and part-time deejay, and he had taken to re-educating his old friend on the dating scene. They were talking loudly, over the din of the crowd filling the place to overflowing.

Jack looked glum. “Geez, Dan, any more encouraging words? What you say defies Darwin’s Law. All those guys over 45, and all those women over 40, all sidelined forever? Doesn’t sound like the best formula for survival of the species.”

“Nature doesn’t want geezers reproducing. The genetic odds for the baby aren’t good, and they won’t be healthy enough to look after the little monsters until they leave home. This is nature’s way of letting all the young, pretty, healthy bodies have all the fun, and then all the consequences.”

“Then why does ‘nature’ have us lusting after those bods long after we can’t ‘compete’?” Jack inhaled sharply as two stunning girls in short skirts and goth adornments squeezed by them. “Christ, they can’t possibly be old enough to drink.”

“They’re just enjoying their power. Don’t begrudge it. We’ve fucked up the world they’re going to inherit so much they might as well have fun while they can. We lust after them because it makes us feel more alive, happier, not because nature wants or expects us to sate that lust. Nature wants us to want to live. Their beauty is like a great work of art or music. We can appreciate it, even though we’ll never own it. Or make anything comparable to it ourselves.” He laughed.

Jack finished his wine and checked his watch. His friend was probably right, but it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. The apartment he’d rented after the divorce was lonely, empty. He had no idea what to do with himself. Dan had invited him to a Junior A hockey game that Dan was covering for the community newspaper, but Jack had never been much of a sports enthusiast.

“Well, my friend, I’m seriously thinking of trying one of those dating services. Unless you have some better advice.”

“My advice would be — don’t. You’ll get entangled with women older than you want to fuck, with lots of issues, and quite possibly kids in tow they won’t tell you about, or will tell you about and then get all defensive about. What you really need is a hobby to take your mind off your dick, and your loneliness. Which for guys our age are the same thing. Find something you like doing besides fucking teenagers.”

“You’re such a romantic, Dan. Just because you’ve never been in love doesn’t mean no one else has.”

“Oh, it’s love you want, huh? Love is that chemical rush that fills your head with mush and makes you silly and short-sighted. Then one day you wake up and the rush is over and all you have left is the responsibility, and the desire to fall in love with someone else to take your mind off your misery. And the sense of guilt telling the unfortunate victim of your waning passion that it’s over. Unless she tells you first, which just makes it worse. If we had any sense we’d have signs that said ‘Caution — addicted to love, will need a new fix every four months’. It never lasts. And every woman wants it to. If you can’t take the withdrawal you shouldn’t take the drug. I’ve been addicted for twenty years, and I just warn each woman who’s even vaguely attracted to me that I don’t do commitment, I’m incapable of being faithful, or being reformed, and if they’re still interested in a fling I’m game. But it still always ends up badly, and quickly, for her or for me, every time. It’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Then why are there so many people still looking for it, men and women, of all ages?”

“Because they can’t help themselves. They’re idiots. They won’t learn. They let their emotions and hormones tell them what to do.” He paused for a moment, ordered more wine for both of them. “Or maybe they’re just bored, and looking for some fun. Is that what you’re looking for, Jack? And if it comes in the form of a woman who’s smarter than you, more self-sufficient than you, and way more cynical than you, which it usually does, are you still interested? For a guy who lugs parcels all day, you don’t know much about baggage.”

“No one’s more cynical than you, Dan. There’s all kinds of guys our age, happily married, content, even spoiled. I think I could settle for that.”

“You’re such a hopeless romantic, man. No one our age is happily married. The guys our age keep the porn industry in business, and their wives keep the romance novel industry in business. Their marriages are boring and sexless. They stay married out of habit not out of love. They live the same lives we do, except they have to go home every day after work. They live in their dreams.”

Jack was staring at the two young goth girls, talking with each other, one of them also talking on a cell phone, giggling, trying to look oblivious to the men furtively sneaking glances at them. “I’d like to live in that dream”, he said to himself.

“So buy them a round, see where it gets you”, Dan said.

Two minutes later the bartender gave him the bill for two cocktails. Jack looked over at them. They smiled and raised their glasses, and one of them gave a mock curtsy. Then they turned away, returned to their conversation.

“On the red-eye flight back from the conference in Rome I ended up sitting beside this girl who was so attractive, so perfectly dressed, that I ended up staying up for the whole flight just watching her sleep. Watched the rise and fall of her breasts under her sweater. Listened to her sighs. She had the most delicious eyelashes, and this tiny perfect nose. I’d talked with her for five minutes — she was on midterm break from university — before I ran out of things to say. I just lay there in a stupor with a hard-on for five hours. It wasn’t that bad, really. Most fun I’ve had in months.”

“You’re a sad case, Jack. You used to draw really well in high school. You could take it up again. Draw her, with and without the sweater. Draw yourself with her. It’s the closest you’ll ever get.”

Dan turned towards the goth girls and started long-distance flirting with them. He figured he could get them to think it was he who’d bought the round, not Jack. He was gesturing to the two of them, and then to himself and Jack, and then shrugged and smiled. They laughed, and one of them wagged a forefinger back and forth in a joking rebuttal. Dan made a mock pout, then raised a finger (”aha!) and began acting out great eating gestures, then pointed at them, at Jack and himself again, and then at an empty table in the corner of the bar, and shrugged again. He put on his most harmless face.

The girls considered the offer among themselves, and then one of them shrugged back and nodded. “We’re in”, Dan said to Jack. “It’ll cost you the price of a dinner, and it will probably only get you a nice fantasy to keep you warm for awhile when the image of the eyelash girl fades from memory. But you need the practice.” He ushered his friend towards the empty table, and gestured to the two girls to go ahead of them.

(To be continued)

Artwork “In Deep Conversation” by Irish artist Pam O’Connell

Category: Short Stories

December 16, 2008

Paying Attention, and Imagining What Could Be

Filed under: Preparing for Civilization's End — Dave Pollard @ 18:40


Avon River
Avon River, at Upavon, Wiltshire, UK (photo by Dave Pollard)

West Woods, Lockeridge, Dave Snowden
West Woods, Lockeridge (photo by Dave Snowden)

Avebury Manor
Avebury Manor (Photo by Dave Pollard)

Lockeridge Thatched House Dave Snowden
Lockeridge: Thatched Roof House (photo by Dave Snowden)

Part of Avebury Stone Circle
Part of Avebury Stone Circle (photo by Dave Pollard)

“History is now, and England”. — TS Eliot

I‘m sitting on a bench beside the Avon river in a village called, appropriately, Upavon, in Wiltshire, England. Yesterday I visited with Dave Snowden in nearly Lockeridge and Avebury, and we hiked for miles around one of the oldest settlements on the island, and through one of its oldest old-growth forests. Some of Dave’s pictures, and some of mine, are above. Mostly we talked about complexity, and the economy. Dave is more optimistic than I am about the future of civilization.

Today is my day for thought, reflection, unwinding, before I head off tomorrow for London and a conference on sustainability. Although it is unimaginably cold, it is a wonderful place for such activity. This is a place that changes slowly, and accepts that Gaia, not humanity, determines how things unfold. Two days ago there were flash floods all over the country, and the people adapted, as they always have. It’s not the most naturally hospitable place, England — the cold seeps through your bones and the dampness is so pervasive that nothing ever seems to dry, even in the high winds blowing through the hills. The greens that you see here are a deep, rich green that you normally see only in rainforest, which is what this country was before it was discovered and razed, a mere few thousand years ago. Moss grows everywhere, because it can, and because any creature that would eat it would almost surely prefer some place warmer to graze.

The bird life is much more subdued than what I remember as a child — the industrial era, pollution, deforestation and overpopulation have taken their toll — but if you pay attention you discover that many creatures other than humans have learned to adapt to this cold, wet, still-beautiful (outside the cities) land. The wild creatures here seem much less wary than those in North America, as small flocks of birds, ducks, sheep, and rabbits (and the occasional schoolchild heading home from class) all look at me, this strange bundled-up foreigner tapping away on a keyboard by the river’s side, with curiosity and bemusement. The sheer ruggedness of the place shows on the weather-worn faces of the people I see, but not on those of the wild creatures, much better adapted due to hundreds of millions of years’ more practice.

There is a respect here for wildness, for nature’s way of doing things. Britain has a substantial vegetarian population, and a disdain for factory farming and genetically manufactured species of any kind. The sheep come right up to you, if you’ll let them, and so do the birds (perhaps because they’re used to being fed and admired by the citizens). In this land made of fences and stone walls and ramparts and barricades, there is more tolerance of “foreigners” and eccentrics, and a more genuine diversity, than I have seen in most places in North America. In short, this is a resilient place, and I sense it will weather the coming storms and the collapse, later this century, of our civilization, much better than newer, more affluent countries.

This is a nation (a set of nations, in fact) that, at least outside the cities, has always had a sense of the importance of community and self-sufficiency, and that will continue to serve it well.

I am returning to my work on my novel The Only Life We Know, and to other creative work — composing music and now, creating videos — because I think I have largely said what I needed to say about how the world really works. Looking at the “credo” I wrote two years ago on this blog, I’m surprised at how little my views have changed since then (after changing utterly in the five years before that). Most of what I worried and feared would happen as a result of the fragility of our world, our excesses, and our loss of critical knowledge and capacity, is starting to happen in more and more obvious and alarming ways. I had hoped was wrong, and take no solace in knowing that, so far, I’ve been mostly right.

Beyond helping people (myself included) understand how the world really works, the purpose of this blog — and my purpose — is to imagine a better way to live and make a living. My book Finding the Sweet Spot imagines — based on my knowledge of real Natural Enterprises — a better way to make a living, and spells out extensively how anyone, with the right amount of work and self-knowledge, can create such an enterprise.

But imagining a better way to live is a more difficult undertaking. I had hoped to discover or create a Natural (Intentional) Community that would be a model of how to live better, and while I haven’t given up on this search, I am starting to see that such models are being held back by our society’s terrible imaginative poverty. While we change slowly, and only when we must, we are capable of doing just about anything we can imagine when that time comes. The problem is we have largely lost the capacity to really imagine, thanks I suspect to our hopeless education system, the dumbing down effect of the information and education media, and, more than anything, a simple lack of practice at imagining that stems from being too busy doing the urgent but unimportant things that consume most of our days and lives.

So I think I need to spend more of my time imagining, and sharing those imaginings with my readers, and with all those I love. And I need to spend more time organizing real-time events, in virtual and physical space, that allow us to imagine collaboratively. Both at work and in my personal pursuits, these practices in collaborative imagining and collaborative innovation are now my priority, my Job One.

To provoke these events and practices, I intend to start writing more imaginative and creative stories about what could be. They will be stories about ways of living that will strike most people as impossibly different from how we live now, and how we have lived for the last few thousand years. But my study of prehistory and natural evolution suggests we are more than capable of such transformative change, if we have the knowledge, the imagination, the experimental examples, help to make the change simpler, and, most of all, the awareness that continuing to do what we do now is impossible.

My leaps of imagination always start with paying attention to nature, listening to Gaia’s voice, because what she has done, if you really look, when you really look, is staggeringly imaginative, far beyond anything we could concoct in our heads.

And that is what I am doing now: Just looking, watching the wild spaces I find everywhere, to discover, to learn, what is possible. If we can’t imagine, we can do anything — we can tolerate atrocities, create and consume the ghastly product of factory farms, enslave nations and children, encourage soul-destroying abusive behaviours, allow genocide and endless war, create an economy build on scarcity and poverty and suffering, and even end the world by altering its climate.

But if we can imagine… we can change anything. We can change ourselves, and then our communities, and then our whole society, into one that works, one that is responsible and sustainable and joyful. And if we imagine together, just think what we can accomplish. Not means to perpetrate the existing unsustainable ways, but astonishing new ways to live, in balance with all-life-on-Earth. In peace. In ways that allow each of us to do what we love, what we are brilliant at, what is needed.

What we were meant to do, and to be. Imagine that.

December 13, 2008

Links for the Week: December 13, 2008

Filed under: Our Culture / Ourselves — Dave Pollard @ 13:07


new yorker coop victoria roberts
Victoria’s New Yorker cartoons are available for sale here.

US Dollar to Be Devalued 90%?: Gerald Celente, an economic futurist with a remarkable track record, foresees a 90% devaluation of the US dollar, leading to food riots and tax rebellions by 2012. I think what he’s saying is right, but I don’t think it will happen nearly this quickly. Thanks to EJ for the link.

Pump & Dump Enterprise: Economic reformer Catherine Austin Fitts explains how cynical businesspeople created businesses designed solely to exploit government systems weaknesses and public ignorance for personal profit, and corrupt other businesses into the same exploitative model. For those who believe the current financial crisis was the result of simple human error, good intentions and bad judgements, this analysis is a powerful counter-argument. You won’t feel the same about bailouts after you read it. You’ll understand how “enterprise” has come, in some people’s minds, to be a dirty word. Thanks to Andrew Campbell for the link.

“This is Really, Really Scary”: Nobel economist Paul Krugman talks to HTWW about the economy: The consequences of excessive leverage, the limits to what government interventions can do, double-digit unemployment rates, economic fragility, and why this is going to get “awful”.

Carbon Tax, not Cap & Trade, Mr Obama: Michael Le Page urges Obama to steer clear of unworkable cap-and-trade solutions and make polluters pay now.

Canada’s Next PM Admits He Was Wrong on Iraq: The new leader of the progressive majority coalition in Canada, which will be taking power as soon as the minority Conservatives re-convene parliament, is Michael Ignatieff. He’s best knows for admitting he was wrong about the wisdom of the Iraq War, and for condoning (or at least understanding) the use of torture in cases where there is an immediate large-scale threat to human life. Both positions have been misstated and misconstrued. This guy’s complex, and the biggest concern about him is that he’s still largely an unknown.

Just for Fun: Autoantonyms are words that also mean their opposites. Their existence tells us something about the imprecision of language and how it evolves. Yes means no. My favourites: fast, fine, literal, sanction, sanguine, table and temper. Thanks to my colleagues Richard Livesley and Greg Turko for the link.

Thoughts for the Week: A repost from last August, because these quotes were so good:

  • From Upton Sinclair: “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.” (thanks to William Tozier for the quote
  • From Esther Dyson: “Always make new mistakes” (thanks to Natalie Shell for the quote)
  • From JP Rangaswami: “More and more, knowledge management is going to be about reducing the cost of, and simplifying the process for, letting someone watch what you do. Nonintrusively. Time-shifted. Place-shifted. Searchable. Archivable. Retrievable.” (thanks to Nancy White for the quote)
  • From Charles Bowden in Blood Orchid: “We are an exceptional model of the human race. We no longer know how to produce food. We no longer can heal ourselves. We no longer raise our young. We have forgotten the names of the stars, fail to notice the phases of the moon. We do not know the plants and they no longer protect us. We tell ourselves we are the most powerful specimens of our kind who have ever lived. But when the lights are off we are helpless. We cannot move without traffic signals. We must attend classes in order to learn by rote numbered steps toward love or how to breast-feed our baby. We justify anything, anything at all by the need to maintain our way of life. And then we go to the doctor and tell the professionals we have no life. We have a simple test for making decisions: our way of life, which we cleverly call our standard of living, must not change except to grow yet more grand. We have a simple reality we live with each and every day: our way of life is killing us.” (thanks to Beth Taggard for the quote)

December 12, 2008

A Moment to be Thankful and Hopeful and Intentional

Filed under: Creative Works — Dave Pollard @ 22:55


dave pollard
I‘m going to be in England for the next week, so blogging may be intermittent.

I thought this might be a good time to reflect on this year, and wish everyone who stops by here a peaceful and comfortable and fulfilling and joyful holiday season.

This is the year my book, three years in the writing, finally came out. When people ask me who I am, now, I say: I am a writer. If you know of anyone trying to decide what they were meant to do in this world and this life, please consider getting them a copy of Finding the Sweet Spot. I do not expect it to be a best-seller, but many people have told me that it is really useful to (as Patti Digh would put it) “just get them started” on the road to meaningful, responsible, sustainable, joyful work, to discover their Purpose, their Gifts and their Passions. This is important, lifelong learning and discovery. Details on getting the book are in the right sidebar. For those that have already done so, thank you.

This is the second anniversary of the chronic illness (ulcerative colitis) that changed my life’s direction for good, and for the good. I have learned to be good to myself, to live (more) in the moment, to stop expecting and resolving and start intending and just practicing. I have learned to look after my own health and to pay attention to my body. I exercise regularly. I work standing up. I eat vegetarian and (mostly) organic, for the good of my body and of the world.  I am no longer trying to save the world, which cannot be saved but is still a wondrous and delightful place to spend a bit of time, and now I spend my time practicing doing nine things, a little better each day, nine things I love doing, in a way I’ve learned to do them well, and in the process making the world a little better for those I love and work with, those in my communities, and being a model that I hope others will see value in adapting.

This is a year in which I’ve focused a lot of attention on what is really happening in the world, and what is really possible, and also introspectively getting to know myself better, what makes me tick, and what makes me unhealthy and anxious. I’ve become aware that I love to fall in love and to love, but I struggle with the responsibility and tacit/explicit expectations that come with being loved, respected, admired, and in a position of authority. I believe I am afraid of intimacy, and caring too much, and responsibility, and afraid of letting people down. I am driven more by fears than needs, of which I think I have few; I seem somewhat unusual in this. I intend to discover what lies behind these fears, and discharge them.

These fears lie behind much of my personal anxiety, which is compounded by what I see everywhere as a broad malaise of anxiety. I am learning to cope with this double dose of anxiety, and my unbearable grief for Gaia, and now, to a lesser or greater extent, I am happy, content, comfortable. I am on my way, where I am intended to go, and that is enough.

One of the things that eases my anxiety and makes me more comfortable with my situation is thinking about those I love, those I know, even those I have never met, who live with burdens that are so overwhelming I cannot begin to imagine how they cope. Those who live in daily fear of real and deadly threats. Those who have responsibilities that are overwhelming and thankless and inescapable and endless, looking after those who cannot look after themselves. Those who are suffering or abused, with no escape in sight, or who have been and are still living with the legacy of that torment. Those who are (as I once was) dealing everyday with the Noonday Demon, depression. Those who live their lives in constant physical pain. Those who are without help, or without hope.

How dare I be anxious or angry or unhappy about my lot when so many face burdens and ordeals so much harsher and more enduring? In the face of all this anguish and all these challenges, I believe those of us with the time, space, resources and insight should be doing one of two things: Either fighting as hard as we can, against all odds and adversity, to make the world a better place; or creating something new (as Bucky Fuller put it), a model of a better way to live that works around all these problems and renders the systems and situations that gave and give rise to them obsolete. My guess is that I’m better suited for the latter course, and I am now turning more of my time and attention to creative works — my novel The Only Life We Know, and musical compositions and films — that will help people imagine a better way to live and make a living. My enthusiasm for Natural Enterprise remains strong, while that for Natural (Intentional) Community is waning somewhat, because I think my vision for them was too idealistic.

I’d love to hear, either by reference to your own blog postings or through conversation, what you have learned in the past year and how that is changing how you see the world and what you intend to do. I see the next couple of years as a kind of dress rehearsal for what Jim Kunstler calls the Long Emergency that I think we will face in the coming decades. We still have some time to practice, before the work really starts to get hard and the struggle to cope with the sunset of our civilization begins in earnest.

May this season and the year ahead bring you love and learning and contentment and joy.

Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata. 
Shantih shantih shantih

/-/ Dave

December 11, 2008

What’s Next for the Economy

Filed under: How the World Really Works — Dave Pollard @ 22:58


I‘ve been talking with quite a few people who are knowledgeable about the economy lately, so I thought I would share some of the things they say might well be coming before the current recession ends.

What Might Happen Next
        What You Can Do Now
Collapse of $US by as much as 50%
  • Sell $US investments
  • Pay off debts and invest in items shown below
Deflation (continuous price drops) for manufactured and luxury goods/services, stocks and housing
  • Defer buying such goods
  • Learn to haggle — don’t pay list
  • Don’t be suckered by “sales” and “limited time offers”
  • Don’t be suckered into getting back into the market(s) anytime soon
Inflation (sharp price increases) for staple goods (food, energy) and land; Agricultural crisis in 2009
  • Grow your own, using permaculture
  • Make meals from scratch
  • Invest in solar, wind, geothermal, insulation 
  • Practice energy conservation
  • Prepare to spend more of your income on these items
Spike in personal, corporate and government bankruptcies;
Tight, expensive credit for most
  • Pay off debts and avoid new ones
  • Don’t buy extended warranties
  • If you must buy, make sure it’s durable
Wage deflation (annual pay cuts)
  • All of the above
  • Create your own sustainable Natural Enterprise
  • Invest in know-how (carpentry, home repair, sewing, cooking)
  • Create your own entertainment instead of buying it
  • Learn how to buy used, wisely
Spike in pension plan insolvencies
  • Don’t depend on your pension
  • If it’s a defined contribution plan, reconsider plans to retire
Health care crisis (increased demand + cuts in funding)
  • Get fit
  • Learn to self-diagnose and (within reason) self-treat
  • Eat healthy
  • Practice preventive medicine
Collapse of Chinese economy
  • Create local markets
  • Pledge to buy local
  • Make your own
Infrastructure failures
  • Learn not to rely on the grid, Internet, or phone system
  • Be prepared to bike or walk if public transport fails
  • Develop carpool networks
  • Figure out how you can work from home even if the utilities are offline
  • Don’t live in the suburbs
  • Strengthen your local community networks
Education crisis (cuts in funding)
  • Learn to teach yourself, and unschool your kids
  • Collaborate with community in education programs

Incidentally, the consensus seems to be that we’re in for a long recession, but not a depression. This is consistent with my own research, which suggests that The Long Emergency is coming, but may be a decade or two away yet.

Hardest hit, as always, will be the poor, the sick, the uneducated, those who are dependent (on government, on infrastructure, on medical systems, on cheap energy etc.), and those who are highly leveraged (a lot of debt relative to the value of their assets).

One of the biggest challenges for many people will be what to do when you want to (or have to) move, and there is no market for real estate in your area. Don’t panic, because there are vultures out there. Many people I know are renting out their home (at less than it’s worth) and renting (instead of buying) in their new community (at less than it’s worth). They are effectively straddling two homes, and a whole underground market for such peer-to-peer arrangements is emerging wherever housing sales have dried up. It’s not a viable long-term strategy, and it’s likely that eventually people will just shrug, acknowledge that 80% of their equity is gone probably forever, and sales at the new lower prices will pick up briskly again. If/when that happens, you’ll still take a bath on your old home, but you’ll get your new one for a much lower price, too.

Category: Economics

December 8, 2008

A Paean to Activists

Filed under: Preparing for Civilization's End — Dave Pollard @ 22:26


dan o'neill 2
Dan O’Neill cartoon from the Jefferson Airplane CD Volunteers

Most of the people I know are optimists. They believe that we, this vain and arrogant and fierce and modestly intelligent species called homo sapiens, will endure, despite the challenges our world faces. Many of those I know, perhaps because of this optimism (or perhaps because they tend to be better informed and more progressive than the average human) are, in one way or another, activists. They devote a significant amount of their time, energy, and wealth to fighting social, economic and environmental ills such as:

poverty
homelessness
disease
war
violence
oppression
injustice
inequity
inequality
environmental degradation
disenfranchisement
global warming
dysfunctional/inaccessible health systems
dysfunctional/inaccessible education systems
unhealthy food
corporatism
social neglect
cruelty to animals
fragmented communities
learned (and real) helplessness
dependence
greed
overpopulation
overconsumption
ignorance
intellectual poverty
imaginative poverty
species extinction
loss of wilderness
waste … and so on

And I salute them for it. This is important work that needs to be done, and they are doing it.

I, however, am a pessimist.

On the one hand, like John Gray, I believe our civilization is in its last century. Just as human numbers, and influence, and destruction, and consumption, and pollution, have all grown like the left side of a normal ‘bell’ curve, they will all, at some point in this century, plunge down the right side of that curve, and then, slowly over perhaps millennia thereafter, decrease to zero. I do not believe we will be ’saved’ by a great collective human consciousness raising, or by human ingenuity and innovation, or by ‘free market forces’ (even if such thing were ever to come into existence), or by globalization or One World collectivism, or by the Rapture. None of these things is in our nature, or in nature. These are all different forms of religious, magical thinking. They are self-delusion, romanticism and folly. They can be, for many, excuses to continue to behave and live unsustainably.

But on the other hand, I do believe we need to do all we can do, short of inflicting even more misery and suffering than our civilization already has, to understand how the world really works, and to learn and model a better way to live and make a living. Why do I believe this, if the world as we know it is inevitably going to end anyway? Because:

  1. It is our responsibility, as members of Gaia, as a part of all-life-on-Earth, to do what we can do to mitigate the damage we have done, and
  2. It is our responsibility to our children and future generations, both to make the world better for them and to help them prepare themselves for life after civilization, when our current way of living will not be possible. As Charles Bowden puts it in Blood Orchids:
We are an exceptional model of the human race. We no longer know how to produce food. We no longer can heal ourselves. We no longer raise our young. We have forgotten the names of the stars, fail to notice the phases of the moon. We do not know the plants and they no longer protect us. We tell ourselves we are the most powerful specimens of our kind who have ever lived. But when the lights are off we are helpless. We cannot move without traffic signals. We must attend classes in order to learn by rote numbered steps toward love or how to breast-feed our baby. We justify anything, anything at all by the need to maintain our way of life. And then we go to the doctor and tell the professionals we have no life. We have a simple test for making decisions: our way of life, which we cleverly call our standard of living, must not change except to grow yet more grand. We have a simple reality we live with each and every day: our way of life is killing us.

Some people think my beliefs make no sense. They tell me that if they were as pessimistic as I claim to be, they would kill themselves.

And then I tell them that I believe in the inherent good nature of every human, that I think all the problems we have created in this world are the unintended consequences of well-intentioned actions.

Then they tell me they think I’m crazy.

Most activists get a lot of their strength and energy from fighting a common enemy. It’s not hard for them to get worked up about issues like the long list in the yellow box above. They know who’s and what’s to blame. What they need to do is mobilize, connect, reframe, intervene, subvert. In fact they have two enemies: the perpetrators of the social and environmental ills, and the victims who need to be engaged to join the fight against the perps and bring about the evolutionary or revolutionary change that is needed. If you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem. Pacifism is passivity, and that, to many activists, is inexcusable.

My problem is that I don’t think there are good guys and bad guys. Things are the way they are for a reason, and there is always a reason, even when the result is atrocity and outrage. Our civilized world is overpopulated and stressed to the breaking point, an unnatural place that makes us all desperate and unhealthy and mentally ill. We are not meant to live like this, crowded together and struggling over increasingly scarce resources. The ills in the yellow box above are mostly the result of our attempts to cope with this. It’s the best we can do.

At a macro level, we are the rats in the horrifically overcrowded maze, fighting each other, hoarding, eating our young. The system is beyond rational reform, because that maze is now our whole fragile and desolated planet. There are no frontiers left, no places to escape. We are prisoners in an unnatural madhouse of our own, natural, well-intentioned making. Everything we have done seemed to be a good idea, at the time.

But now, as David Suzuki says, we are in a huge vehicle headed at light speed towards a brick wall, and we’re all arguing over the seating arrangements. There is no helping us.

But at a micro level, within our communities, here, now, there is yet much we can do, still and always. At this level we do need to mobilize, connect, reframe, intervene, subvert. The community is at a scale within our control, and it can be rescued from stupid, unimaginative, greedy, uninformed people and the parochial systems and processes that they have put in place, and which can be changed for the better. At this level, if it energizes you to get worked up and adversarial, more power to you. We need your energy, passion, commitment, ideas, knowledge, insights and perspectives, one way or another, no matter how motivated, because at the local level there is hope — we can create models of a better way to live and make a living, and bring about change that will benefit the people in our communities, and just maybe, beyond.

As much as I rail against corporatists and lawyers and real estate speculators and other reprobates, at the community level they’re an awful lot like us, doing what they’ve been taught is right or necessary or useful or productive or beneficial. In some cases we can educate them, persuade them, show them a better way. In other cases we need to mobilize, connect, reframe, intervene and subvert. So, to all the local activists in the world, bravo! You really do make a difference, and you are making the world a better place than it would be without you.

But if you believe that the sum of a million local efforts is somehow more than the sum of a million local efforts, I must beg to differ. For every local success there are many local failures, dozens of errors of stupidity and unimaginativeness and greed and ignorance and disinformation, that will need us to act to educate and persuade and mobilize and connect and reframe and intervene and subvert, next week and next year, to undo the damage that grows everywhere and every day. The battle of the local activist is always a heroic but rear-guard action, a minimizing of cumulative losses.

And compounding the local failures are the larger, macro-scale endemic failures, the momentum of the machine, the systems, political and social and economic and legal and educational and technological and institutional, that confound us everywhere, that allow forests to be razed before the local people realize what has been done, that allow wars to be perpetrated, and factory farming systems to grow larger and uglier and more grotesque and inhumane, and that engender on a massive scale all the horrors in the yellow box above. These are systems out of anyone’s control, Frankenstein monsters that have evolved to do what we once thought was a good idea, but which now grow and propagate of their own momentum. The corporation became psychopathic because the way it was designed, with the best of intentions, it could become nothing else.

This is the machinery of the speeding vehicle headed, light speed, for the brick wall. And all the activism in the world is not going to change its direction, its momentum, or its catastrophic outcome. And no one is to blame for this. It’s been heading this way for thirty thousand years, and it reached the point of no return long before we even began to realize what we were doing. All we did is do what humans do.

And despite all this, my heart is filled with love and joy and hope and intention and the will to practice, everyday, making things a little better for those I love, for my granddaughters’ terrible future world, for all-life-on-Earth. I have never been happier, or more centred. I know who I am and what I am meant to do. I am content to practice, to do what I can, what I must.

Laugh, sing, love, share, create, imagine… there is no saving the Earth, which will go on long after we have gone. It is an amazing place, this home we have messed up so horribly. But Gaia will clean up what we cannot, so there is no need for sorrow, or anger, or desperation. There is still time to live in wonder and in joy, here, now, in community, in the moment, just doing our best. Thank you, activists! We’re with you, in love, and art and labour, until this extraordinary passage is over and the last of the lovely lights flicker and die.

Category: Activism

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