Comments on: the courage to be present

By: Dreamrogue

Dreamrogue — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:09:24 +0000

I have to tell you, this apparently my year for gratitude and coming out of my own illusion of suffering, though I got by purely by focusing on my pain as a transformable energy, that I have had a wonderful idea in reading your post. I’m not going to say what it is, but it involves a book I have been writing and the movie Julie & Julia. I came to your site interested in blogging and have been reading random posts throughout the day. I also coincidentally came to this great idea while listening to the same song by the Dirty Chaps, A Nice Kebab, as I did this afternoon, when I had another great epiphany. I enjoyed your insights and your exploration of your self-doubt… why is that kind of relationship a fantasy I wonder? Is it that all of us who want this are afraid to try it, or to ask for it from others? I’m taking on your challenge to converse and find a collective by the way, and I’m hoping to make it more of a permanent thing than the usual temporary chat with a new acquaintance, a new like mind, in order to find a really dedicated group of friends. It may happen with some hard work, but I believe with that kind of collective, we really could take over the world.

By: admin

admin — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:01:30 +0000

Thank you everyone — your encouragement means a great deal to me. Recognizing and articulating what I feel is an important part of my empathy/reconnection practice, so I’m delighted I seem to be making progress.

My graphics are made with plain old PowerPoint for Mac, the 2008 version with the spiffy new ‘SmartArt Graphics’ inserts. I’m not a MS fan, but this tool is familiar and powerful.

As for how my body feels, John, I think what it feels is aroused by beauty. I’ve realized that when I’m surrounded by beautiful places and/or people and/or art I am more aware, more present, more energized, more turned on by life. And I’ve acquired the humility to know that I don’t have to ‘own’ or control that beauty — it’s enough that it’s close by, present in my life. I’m ambivalent about that — it seems a bit shallow, but I acknowledge it.

By: Rafael

Rafael — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 22:59:32 +0000

I really like the graphic you use in the post. I wonder what soft are you using to make such drawings. I using Visio but I could not make such ones.

/Rafael

By: Peter Rawsthorne

Peter Rawsthorne — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 17:36:12 +0000

Wow Dave!!!
Just did some reading of your posts. I really like the graphic you have for “What you can do.” I resonate with many of your steps, particularly letting your heart be broken… One of my life’s greatest gifts is having my heart broken and realizing just how deeply I love. Tears still well in my eyes just writing it…
Thinking that we on Bowen could help with your feelings toward your dance abilities, come to the Bowen Island Legion at 7:15 on a Wednesday and join the Bowen Island Blacksheep Morris dancers, you would be very welcome. http://www.bowenblacksheep.ca/
Be Well…

By: David Millar

David Millar — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:11:50 +0000

I hadn’t looked at your blog for a while (though I listed it in my Environment, peace and social justice links http://pages.videotron.com/fdmillar/eps/epslinks.html two years ago, and I am impressed with your Dec 31 post.

Could I cross-post it with credit and links to you, in my blog http://mecteam.blogspot.com ? Please reply by email. I am about to leave for a UNEP conference in DC.

By: Martin-Éric

Martin-Éric — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:36:47 +0000

This is one of your best posts in ages. I can relate to it in numerous ways, as I struggle to preserve nomadism and polyamory into my life. Polyamory has finally found acceptance, to the point that friends and relatives no longer frown or even find unusual the idea that there’s many women in my life and that these women have other partners too. However, nomadism is constantly threatened by abstractions like borders and citizenship – not to mention economic considerations related to the costs of traveling. From this perspective, you’re correct to count your blessings at having the freedom of choice due to consulting offers pouring in.

Btw, I wouldn’t call the idea of having a playmate (or several) an adolescent fantasy. Looking back now as I’m about to hit 40, I realize that the whole idea of commitment “in good times or bad times, till death do us apart” is completely sick, because it goes against Benesek Monk’s basic 4 principles of relationships: 1) preserve the autonomy and independence of all partners at all times, because the relationship is only as strong as each individual’s ability to pull their own weight and to experience constant freedom, 2) mutual respect is the key, 3) communication is the way, 4) express open-handed “wants” rather than urgent “needs”.

Not surprisingly, these four principles are fully compliant with the modus operandi of polyamory, especially if you frame the exercise of sexual activity as a part of the larger experience of sharing affection and showing mutual care in a relationship.

Now that both my girlfriend and I are able to live up to these standards, we feel even more free than before and totally happy with our choice of polyamory. As she commented a few days ago, “There’s days where I could shred you to pieces for being so blissfully unaware of the consequences of some of the things you do or say and yet, regardless, I know deep inside that even though there’s gonna be episodes of grudge and radio silence, we will always be ONE. There will be other girls, other guys, but we’ll always be there for each other, because where there’s open communication, there’s no cheating, no deception, no infidelity; there’s only love and mutual trust.”

PS: congratulations on finally getting around transferring your blog out of Salon! :)

By: john barleycorn

john barleycorn — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 13:15:15 +0000

dear brother dave, you have already accomplished a magnificent thing by creating one of the most intelligent dialogues on the web and serving as the center and focus for those of us with heart and mind and spirit to examine our options in this special time. It is just very hard to take all the blinders off our eyes. We cannot escape our culture or our times. All we can do is live each day with our eyes wide open and reflect what we can of the love that we receive from all those other sentient creatures of God who we are bound up with. We can only seek to do no harm to our brothers and to live as consciously as we are able.
Remember we are not the center of the universe. We need to remember we are effective within a short distance from our center. And within that range, we need to do what we can to model our vision of what our best life can be. My personal belief is that there is a huge need for us or someone with the talent and vision to create a real model for how humans can restructure our mores and our infrastructure to reflect how we want to live with each other. Thanks again for your tremendous achievement but in reality I think you are really just getting started.

By: Rafael

Rafael — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 13:09:14 +0000

Great, you are amazing Dave. I wish I could express myself like you. Your talent is writing and if you like it, it is your purpose.

Regards Rafael

By: Jon Husband

Jon Husband — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 06:49:53 +0000

You’ve often said you don’t care what others think of you, and I’ve read many (of not most) of your posts exploring your inner landscape .. and I am not at all sure that you don’t care about what others think. I suspect you have adopted the “I don’t care” mantra as a defence of sorts, against admitting to yourself something that I think you perceive as weak ? IMO there’s a difference between denying and acknowledging and accepting, and then relegating it (consciously) to minor relevance (which makes it completely manageable).

I keep wondering what / if you drop that pretense, accept and acknowledge that you do care, and like so many of the acceptance-of-self things, the changes that come from that acceptance may very well help you live and move more in the present, as you have often stated you wish to do.

Welcome to Vancouver, hope to see you while you are here.

By: John Graham

John Graham — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 05:00:20 +0000

Hi Dave, really pleased to see some development with this post – you’ve started identifying/guessing some actual emotions rather than just trying to figure out intellectually how emotions work. Looks like you’re starting to move away from self-analysis. And you seem to be starting to ‘get’ the whole stories thing, too.

You’re starting to move from your head to your heart, that’s where the courage/coer-age is …no ‘if’ about it.

One thing I’m not sure of from your post – I don’t think there’s any reference to how your *body* is as these thoughts and feelings arise – not sure if you’re paying attention to that.

An emotionally fluid New Year to you, Dave!
John