“Human existence takes place in the relational space of conversation. This means that our way of living – that is to say, our human condition – takes place in our form of relating to each other and the world we bring forth in our daily living through conversation.” — Humberto Maturana
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred” — George Bernard Shaw OK, I confess, I’m not a great conversationalist. But I know some people who are, and I’ve studied what they do (e.g. pay attention), what they don’t do (e.g. interrupt, ever), and how they do it (practice, practice, practice). And I’m getting better. Yesterday, Craig De Ruisseau sent me a link to a great article on How to Have Better Conversations by Marcus Vorwaller. In a nutshell, Marcus describes the reasons people converse (I’m paraphrasing and broadening several of his points):
He goes on to propose nine do’s and don’ts for good conversations (again, I’m paraphrasing extensively):
I’ve written about this subject myself twice before: Ideas for Better Conversations, and The Five Hurdles to Effective Communication (your argument must be explainable using language; you must be able to articulate it clearly and persuasively; your audience must be ready to listen, and be listening; and they must be able to understand your argument from their frame of reference). I’ve also written about effective presentation skills and techniques, most of which apply equally to conversations. Pulling all this together, and adding in some of the things I’ve learned since, here’s a ‘cheat sheet’ of Ten Steps to Great Conversations, in the approximate order that they apply during the course of a conversation, that you can think about or print out* and keep in front of you while you practice to become a better conversationalist:
And, of course, the eleventh step, necessary to become competent at the other ten: Practice, practice, practice. * Many people have asked me how to print out my (and others’) blog articles, without all the clutter in the sidebar. Here’s the simplest way (until the makers of blog tools incorporate printing protocols). First, highlight the article itself (just the middle column in the case of my articles), including or excluding the image(s) as you see fit. Copy the highlighted material (CTRL-C). Then, open your favourite HTML editor or word processing software and paste (CTRL-V) the copied material into it. Save the result, go into page setup to format theresult for your printer, and print. Painting “In Deep Conversation” by Irish artist Pam O’Connell |
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Dave: I am preparing for a personal lunch and conversation with Robert Scoble next week, and your conversation model is very timely.My problem is that, while I seem to be able to connect with just about anyone I need to meet, I often am stumped about how to “manage” the conversation.this is also true of a coming meeting with a key person at INSTEDD, Larry Brilliant’s big project at google.org.As you will see in this post Thoughts Illustrated: Finding my voice… I am still trying to “master” my “voice”.If it is any solace to you, your recent postings diagrams and backlinks to your previous work have been extremely useful to me as i struggle with the real questions “Who am I? – what is my purpose?” leading to “what is my voice?”I was inspired to start blogging by your HTSTW blog and your use of pertinent images and diagrams as lead-ins to each post which fed right into my “passion” for the value of visual thinking and explication.An AHA! answer comes at once — start preparing for my conversations by creating sharable visual diagrams and images – I’ll let you know how this works when dealing with my next big conversations.
Great piece, David – In each of your posts that I read there is one nugget I like to “polish” – to remember. Today it is about great conversationalists never, never, NEVER interrupting. I found myself today doing just that – interrupting. Curses! It links directly with developing the skill to listen.
Erm… Pamela O’Connell’s image that you are displaying is NOT a painting, it is specifically produced by oil pastels to represent her talented ability. She has studied for a Diploma in Art & Design to make herself more agile towards art so we all would appreciate it if you could describe the image more precisely.ThanksJennifer