COUPLES NETWORKING

But one of the phenomena I have noticed recently in the whole field of social networking (both online and face-to-face) is the number of people who are travelling around meeting up with people of like minds (sometimes with a business networking objective, sometimes not) but leaving their significant others (SOs) behind. And these days, at least in North America, the line between business and social networking gets pretty muddy.

I can see the business imperative in this — customers and colleagues now make (rightly or wrongly) major time and social demands on business executives and sole proprietors, and it’s neither reasonable nor desirable to drag one’s SO wherever one goes, even if the SO is in a similar line of business, interested in the same things and people, and free to fly around the country on short notice. This is one area where there is a huge difference between Americans and the rest of the West — Americans seem prepared to put their families on ‘hold’ to advance their careers, especially when the financial enticements for doing so are extraordinary and offer the promise of early retirement, while those of us in the rest of the West are not willing to make that trade-off at any price. It seems to me ironic that America, where ‘family values’ reign, is the one Western country that subordinates family to wealth and career. Just to show how pronounced this difference is, a recent report by a Canadian bank attributed the entire 20% ‘productivity’ advantage of Americans over Canadians to social factors: (a) Canadians’ participation rate in the labour force is lower because many fewer Canadian couples both work during their child-rearing years, and (b) Canadians on average work significantly fewer hours per week and are less likely to moonlight, because they value their leisure time more highly than the money they could earn. If it weren’t for these factors, Canadian productivity would actually be higher than Americans’, and the Canadian dollar would trade at a premium to the US dollar rather than a discount. The discrepancies between Americans and many Europeans are even more pronounced. And while some of the reasons for this difference are undoubtedly caused by economic factors (because of the poorer social safety net and lower minimum wage many Americans have to have both spouses working long hours and moonlighting just to survive), some of it is clearly attitudinal (many Americans in the top 5% income bracket have earned so much money they don’t have to work).

But what about the non-business social networking — the blogger conferences and one-on-one meetups with online acquaintances and political get-togethers and other ‘meetings of minds’ of people in new communities of interest on subjects from wikis to scrapbooking? From what I can see, most of these encounters also omit significant others, and this phenomenon is not limited to the US. Why is it that, with this incredible and unique opportunity to find and connect with people across the world with whom we really see eye-to-eye, so many of us are exploring this brave new world solo?

I think there are several possible reasons for this phenomenon:

1. The Internet Walkabout Theory: Our SOs think we’re temporarily nuts or at best going through a hormonal life change event, and are willing to indulge ‘social networking’ as long as it doesn’t last too long, cost too much, or lead to infidelity, and as long as they don’t have to be involved in it.
2. The New Age Separate Mini-Vacations Theory: We love our SOs for reasons emotional or chemical, but, just as we don’t expect them to share our love for [insert favourite sport, musical group, sexual fantasy or hobby here], we don’t expect them to share our love for [insert favourite political cause, advanced technology, or intellectual passion here], so we don’t even try to subject them to it. In fact, we have tried in vain to get our SOs to also use [blogs, social networking, meetups, other Internet phenomenon] to find other people that share their [favourite political cause, advanced technology, hobby or intellectual passion].
3. The Unwanted Competition Theory: We are subconsciously aware that whatever attracted us to our SO could very well attract like minds to him/her as well, and that he/she might out-network us as well. But we’re not the jealous type, are we?

Well, enough theorizing. My bet’s on #1, but you tell me. When you travel, for business and for ‘social networking’ events, do you invite your SO? Why or why not? Do you think event organizers encourage or discourage inviting SO’s, and why? And when couples meet with other couples at these events, how often does 2+2=4, and how often is it unbalanced or just plain awkward?

(photo above is from the 2003 Burning Man festival, an annual and unusual social networking activity, from remarkable photographer and journalist Xeni Jardin)