Open Thread: Resilience

Posted on September 4, 2005 by Dave Pollard

For reasons I will tell you about later (nothing serious), I may not be blogging for a few days. But I will be presumptuous enough to ask you to participate in an open thread (using the comments link below) on the subject of Resilience.

We who understand (at least a little) the shape our world is in, have a lot of work to do. To do that, we need to stay flexible, agile, resilient. We need to keep our perspective and our objectivity. We need to be brutally honest with ourselves and with others. If we get too fixed in our thinking, rigid, uncompromising, doctrinaire, or if we get sidetracked by the minutiae of the modern world, trivial matters that may evoke some visceral response in us, but which in the long run are of no consequence and simply waste time and energy, we will be opening ourselves up to illness and injury we cannot afford.

How then, I would like to know, do you maintain your resilience? How do you stay open-minded yet centered, focused yet able to let go of things that no longer merit holding onto? There are some obvious ways: meditation and other relaxation/awareness techniques, and physical exercise, both aerobic, to keep energy levels and stamina high, and anaerobic, to keep your posture good and your muscles flexible and relaxed. Spending time in nature, or, perhaps for some of you, in spiritual contemplation is another way.

What else? What do you do to keep it together, to keep yourself open to ideas and ideologies of others, without, as ee cummings put it, “becoming everyone else”? How do you manage to roll with the punches, without becoming so unfocused that you just blow in the wind, directionless?

Back soon. In the meantime, be good to yourself, and to others.

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25 Responses to Open Thread: Resilience

Carroll says:

September 4, 2005 at 15:44

Another thought-provoking question to keep us busy, Dave. And a multi-faceted one.Off the top of my head…”To keep it together”…music (all kinds), writing (for the exploration and/or venting of feelings that might not necessarily generate productive/positive dialogue if brought directly to bear on other people), call a best friend, or hang out for a while with a good dog.”To keep open to ideas and ideologies of others”…connect personally with as many different kinds and ages of people as possible, (but try to avoid politicians, and pessimists!) and then listen, read widely (blogs of today, literature of the past, journalists, memoirists, novelists)”Rolling with the punches”…our family has had the mis/fortune (and I truly view it from both those perspectives) to experience several quite serious health-related situations. I long ago decided it was important for my own sanity, and for my ability to support those with greater needs, to truly “not sweat the small stuff”. If a phone call from (or on behalf of) a kid comes from the emergency room, well, at least it’s not the morgue. Life-threatening illness? Hey, we beat one of those already! Long term disability? Again, there are plenty of folks in situations far worse.Count those blessings all the time — in church if you’re so inclined, or looking up at the stars at night, or each time you hug your loved ones.If all else fails, crank up some Springsteen and just boogie!
kerry says:

September 4, 2005 at 15:47

Excellent topic. I’ve been blowing in the wind for some time now, or at least, it appears that way to some. I find that ultimately (and always in retrospect) every single new thought and idea is leading towards a part of something greater than myself. If I can learn to ‘let go’ and trust the process, incredible connections happen that I couldn’t have designed myself. So I guess that in my opinion, resilience has a lot to do with humility. My ability to not try and control the outcomes, but just to put in the effort and show up for the day. I’ve also discovered, for myself, that resilience is another one of life’s paradoxes (is that the plural of paradox?). It is found on the other side of vulnerability (ie not avoiding vulnerability) but going all the way into it. Its my responsibility to be open and trusting and giving – whether that is welcomed or destroyed is not in my hands. And finally, I’ve also learnt that resilience is the result of really feeling my feelings, in whatever situation it may be. That way, I move through it instead of avoiding or blocking something that will then pop up again later until I accept it. IF this is applicable to me as a human being trying to operate my own software, then its true for any situation that involves our minds and our creativity (including business). That’s my 2 cents :) Looking forward to hearing more from others…
Jon Husband says:

September 4, 2005 at 15:56

I try to remember that I (and we) live in a large and tightly-woven system that is essentially intended to keep us either in a servile conformity or somewhat off-balance.When I reflect on disappointments and frustrations i try to remember and keep conscious of the conclusion I have come to many times when examiningand analyzing the disappointments and frustrations .. that basically in my past responses i have been healthy, centered, relatively unselfish and have tried to make positive contributions when I have been involved or engaged.I swim, and I make sure I get good sleep. I live within my means, and I actively try to reamain conscious that marketing which promises happiness from some form or other of material envy or acquisitiveness is unlikely to bring me any real satisfaction.I love those who are close to me, and I actively try to be a good friend in the range of ways that are accessible to me. I am honest. I say what I mean, and mean what I say.
Indigo says:

September 4, 2005 at 17:37

I think the true test of resiliency is how well one is able to bring out their best qualities when they are under extreme stress. I was in NY when the towers were hit, about a mile from ground zero, and I think of that experience when I look at what is happening with the hurricane now. I recall how overwhelmed I was. For years I have had a stong meditation practice and now that I have left NY I also live in the forest and frequently attend spiritually focused community gatherings, expecially sacred arts activities like singing circles and ecstatic dance. When I was in NY I was fairly isolated, just going to work and doing my spiritual practice, so when the towers were hit I did not have a strong emotional support system. There was some peace of mind that came from my meditation practice, but last year when I faced the likelihood of my imminent death I found that what I drew upon was an equal combination of meditative peace and social support. This is a very round about way of saying (as I figure it out myself) that a combination of 1)meditation which allows me to direct my mind at will so that I am not carried away by disturbing thoughts and fears; 2) loving connection for shared experience with those around me who I trust and whose presence makes me feel safe; 3)time in nature if it is available; and 4) a well-developed habit of virtue: self-esteem, integrity, and self-discipline. But I think the best way to understand what supports resilience is to look at what is missing when there is a complete breakdown of the person’s ability to function harmoniously under duress. When I look at what is not working in New Orleans right now, in terms of the people looting, mugging, shooting at evacuaters and so on, I see that these people doing this do not have inner resilience. Who they are has been largely defined by a social system that as Jon describes it, “is intended to keep us either in a servile conformity or somewhat off-balance,” always looking outside oneself for identity. Their model for integrity has been shaped by the TV world of soap opera deceit, talk show confrontational personality disorder, and reality TV-style ruthless competition. Their social circles are fragmented with most “friendships” being based more on the sharing of vice than on the affirmation of anything that could build up self-esteem or a sense of trust or safety within community. They are emotionally cut off, socially isolated, economically vulnerable, educationally deficient, and spiritually lost. They have no inner peace and so without the confines of social structures to hold them down, their wild minds are enacted as wild behavior. They are lacking tools for resilience or even models for living with those tools. Very sad, very dangerous, and as American as Horatio Alger.
Michelle Tackabery says:

September 4, 2005 at 20:08

Remembrance. When I think I am fading and I can’t be resilient anymore, I think back to one of the trying times in my life, of which there were many, and I go all the way back – the emotions, the pain, the negativity, all of it. When I get through it, I remember that I survived that and lived to get this far. If I could do it then I can do it again. And then I take a nice nap.
zach says:

September 5, 2005 at 02:47

Extremely interesting question… I’m naturally as stuborn as a mule and I’m not sure why. So I set my sights high with my best planning (the vision is critical), then work myself until exaustion and repeat. Upon failure or burnout set better goal and repeat. (I feel I have met with ‘success’ using this approach.) Within this framework I believe several things are key: Ideas without action are irrelevant (ideas are good). Be a dreamer and yet stay grounded in reality. Be extremely honestly when dealing with your hardest problems (yes it may hurt). Being truly humble, open, and honest with an attitude of compassion towards others is critical (no bullshit; its easy to say and hard to do). Also, I really don’t believe ‘the world’ is in as bad a shape as you make it out to be.
James Drogan says:

September 5, 2005 at 07:35

I’m but a passenger on Spaceship Earth.If I don’t take care of myself, who will? If I don’t take care of others, who am I?Know what you know, know what you don’t know, and know who knows what you don’t know.When things are going really well you’ve probably missed something.Never put things in an e-mail you would not like to hear read in court.The spoken word can never to taken back.If you continue to think what you have always thought you will get less and less of what you always got.Authority is no substitute for the patient attendance to the facts and systematic reasoning about them.Openness and curiosity about a large number of things.Love and laughter.Quiet moments.
Tes says:

September 5, 2005 at 08:21

Sleep recharges me, gives me the resilience to pick up and push forward. Humor unties the knots. Connectivity opens doors. Being relaxed frees my brain to process things.
dave davison says:

September 5, 2005 at 10:37

DAve: I am astounded by the synchronicity of the topic:Resilience. It has become the leading theme in unifying the work I am doing. I have started a private blog devoted to the theme and the work – which I hope will include your involvement. Let’s talk about this when you return. Here is the blog url http://resillience.blogspot.com:
Jordan Mechano says:

September 5, 2005 at 11:31

Sense of humour. Learn to laugh at absolutly everything, even if it offends you. It will add years to your life.
Kal says:

September 5, 2005 at 12:32

Hi Dave,I think many of the answers to your question lie in basic self-management and prioritisation skills. In terms of resilience and efficacy, these are the most important for me:1. Always link what you’re doing back to your goals/objectives. I keep things indicating my goals on the walls of my office. When I’m working on something I often ask myself whether and how I’m contributing to those goals effectively. 2. Self-discipline. Sticking to the goals and making sure what you do is effective in addressing them requires a tremendous amount of self-discipline. It requires avoiding “trivial matters that may evoke some visceral response in us,” as you say, and avoiding engaging in discussions that will go nowhere.3. Be thorough and appreciate being wrong. My experience is that about 60% of debates are based on arguments that are significantly flawed because the participants have not been thorough in their thinking. Often, they don’t give proper consideration to the points on ‘the other side;’ they think almost automatically “oh, that’s clearly wrong” without forcing themselves to work out just why it so. That’s when ideology rather than reason becomes the guiding — when people become so stuck in their mental frameworks that they ignore contrary facts even if they are plainly laid out before them. Similarly, I think it’s critical for people to appreciate others pointing out where they are wrong because that’s the only path to being right. Sticking to this point means taking the time to argue with yourself and suspending automatic judgement to consider what others have to say.4. Know when and how to change your routineThere are various ailments and, as a result, I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all solution such as meditation for them. Various kinds of breaks appropriate for different ailments and having some intuitive understanding of their causes and solutions is crucial for self-healing. Moreover, I don’t use the word “break” in the sense of sitting around and relaxing but in the broader sense of making a temporary change to a routine. If I’m working on a research project, a break could involve sitting down and taking the time to think and write about it in my journal so that I have a deeper understanding of what I’m doing. I might challenge myself with a different kind of problem. Or, I might spend some time with a light non-fiction read. Less mental activity is not always the solution to what feels like mental exhaustion.If I find myself taking too many breaks then it becomes time to examine whether I need to make a ‘permanent’ change to my routine. Again, the same principle applies here: we need to step back and examine the cause of an ailment. There are times when we drift in the wind because we don’t have enough structure in our lives and there are times we drift in the wind because we can’t handle the structure in our lives. Which one is it?
Kal says:

September 5, 2005 at 12:34

Sorry — reposting with formatting. Without the formatting it’s illegible.Hi Dave,I think many of the answers to your question lie in basic self-management and prioritisation skills. In terms of resilience and efficacy, these are the most important for me:1. Always link what you’re doing back to your goals/objectives. I keep things indicating my goals on the walls of my office. When I’m working on something I often ask myself whether and how I’m contributing to those goals effectively. 2. Self-discipline. Sticking to the goals and making sure what you do is effective in addressing them requires a tremendous amount of self-discipline and time management skills. It requires avoiding “trivial matters that may evoke some visceral response in us,” as you say, and avoiding engaging in discussions that will go nowhere.3. Be thorough and appreciate being wrong. My experience is that about 60% of debates are based on arguments that are significantly flawed because the participants have not been thorough in their thinking. Often, they don’t give proper consideration to the points on ‘the other side;’ they think almost automatically “oh, that’s clearly wrong” without forcing themselves to work out just why it so. That’s when ideology rather than reason becomes the guiding — when people become so stuck in their mental frameworks that they ignore contrary facts even if they are plainly laid out before them. Similarly, I think it’s critical for people to appreciate others pointing out where they are wrong because that’s the only path to being right. Sticking to this point means taking the time to argue with yourself and suspending automatic judgement to consider what others have to say.4. Know when and how to change your routineThere are various ailments and, as a result, I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all solution such as meditation for them. Various kinds of breaks appropriate for different ailments and having some intuitive understanding of their causes and solutions is crucial for self-healing. Moreover, I don’t use the word “break” in the sense of sitting around and relaxing but in the broader sense of making a temporary change to a routine. If I’m working on a research project, a break could involve sitting down and taking the time to think and write about it in my journal so that I have a deeper understanding of what I’m doing. I might challenge myself with a different kind of problem. Or, I might spend some time with a light non-fiction read. Less mental activity is not always the solution to what feels like mental exhaustion.If I find myself taking too many breaks then it becomes time to examine whether I need to make a ‘permanent’ change to my routine. Again, the same principle applies here: we need to step back and examine the cause of an ailment. There are times when we drift in the wind because we don’t have enough structure in our lives and there are times we drift in the wind because we can’t handle the structure in our lives. Which one is it?
zach says:

September 5, 2005 at 18:12

I also think that beyond the ego driven approach there is a the more mystical option of an ‘ego transcending’ approach where there is no longer any need for resilience. For example, if you believe ‘the world’ needs fixing then I think it is reasonable that you feel you have something to loose, like your job, house, car, family perhaps? Or maybe one feels they have to work in order to achieve power and status. So if you discard your position and status, your wordly goods, even leave your home then you no longer have anything to guard against loosing. You become completely open to illness and injury but in doing so you have accessed the whole of your ‘life energy’ or ‘chi’ or whatever that is, which when no longer consumed by fear and ego makes resilience no longer necessary. I think this is what it means to ‘renounce and rejoice’ or ‘be in the world but not of it.’ But after the renouncation will come the explosion, the unconcious rising into conciousness, so its best to be alone at this point, maybe ‘in nature.’ Then you are a blank slate and completely free.
David Jones says:

September 5, 2005 at 19:25

We all want to be loved, and therefore we avoid being offensive. We all want change and improvement, but we don’t want to be seen (or see ourselves) as pushing our own agendas. We all have our own eccentricities and interests, and (most of us) don’t want to force that on others or be complete bores. We are all social beings, and yet we all enjoy our private times, and the sheer joy of rummaging around in our own heads. We know what we like, we like to think we are right, and yet we are quite certain that not everyone shares these views. Many of the folks out there do seem to frown on individuality, and the expression of that individuality – whether that individuality is of the ornery sort or not. I sense that if you have any intention of withstanding the continuous and ubiquitous onslaught of comformity ….. then you need more than a smidge of curmudgeon. Like in any bargaining session, there are, and should be, things that you will not give up. Regardless. They shape and articulate your being.
DarkOne says:

September 6, 2005 at 11:11

Your texts are true, honesly I thing that we(I mean people)should start to do something. It is easy to say it.Its easy to say the sentence: People do something to save the world but it very hard to make it real. However it is not insane. We have to warn people on every corner. We have to remind them every day how bad is our situation.For this reason I prepared a short presentation to show the situation to people. But I did’nt find site where can I present it.
DarkOne says:

September 6, 2005 at 11:13

Plese have you any tip?
Yves Grassioulet says:

September 7, 2005 at 06:34

we’re all the children of our youth. i often hug myself with all my heart, in order to feel available and open to others. it doesn’t mean that i physically hug myself, which could seem a bit bizarre ;) but i allow myself going through emotions and not feeling guilty about it. i do respect where i come from, regardless of the inherent suffering.
Patry says:

September 7, 2005 at 09:05

Yes, great topic, and equally rewarding answers. I want to follow every link and learn more about the thoughtful commenters who wrote them.I’ve been thinking a lot about resilience this morning after talking to an amazingly strong friend from New Orleans yesterday. The source of his resilence seems to come from:1. Faith in something or someone greater than himself. And also faith in the goodness of other people.2. A strong family and community.3. Optimism4. The ability to find laughter and joy even in the most dire situation.Thanks again for raising the topic.
Pearl says:

September 7, 2005 at 10:06

I don’t know that I am resilient yet. Remaining alive doesn’t seem enough to attest to resiliency. I am working on it building courage rather than backdown from what intimidates and make a lifestyle of that, turning down negative chatter in my head, spending times with people and words that promote discipline, kindness and assume one can control one’s own reactions. Ruby Payne and Krabill have worked out a rubic of resources that coincide with resilience. Out of a score of 40 my resource quotient for resilency I got 30, being strongest in support system, persistance, mental and spiritual resources. A big part of what I’d call my resilience is accounted for by the tool, which is the ability to laugh at myself with a firm belief in the absurd.
Daphne says:

September 7, 2005 at 10:09

This is how I understand this post: You have an objective in mind or a goal to achieve. Accomplishing the objective might be easy or it might be difficult. Resilience comes in when the objective is difficult. So the question is: How do you remain resilient in spite of the obstacles to accomplishing your objective? By practicing resilience. I went to a Buddhist monastery for a weekend a few months ago to practice zen meditation with monks. One of the daily chores was to shine a very long wooden corridor. I found it silly because several monks shined this floor everyday and people walking across it always wore socks. Then I realised that the objective was not to shine the floor. I believe it was meant to teach resilience. An exercise in resilience doesn’t have to be shining floors. I suppose it can be most anything–from going to work day after day, to swimming lap after lap in a pool, practice seems to make things perfect. There is, of course, the lofty thought of accomplishing an objective as its own reward and from which you develop a mindset of resoluteness. I believe that this strong mindset can only come from and be drawn from experience. So when I come across people who complain and don’t even try to find a solution to their complaint, or who are easily put off by petty problems (“sweating the small stuff”), their lives must not be very difficult and I am quite sure they have no idea what resilience means.
David Jones says:

September 7, 2005 at 16:57

I have a Japanese – inspired garden. I worry over the placement of rocks. And the right way to cross a stream that has water only in spring flood. And whether one should cut a weed, when one is committed to cutting only that which is dead, or dying. I worry about the evident weariness of a patch of moss on a rock I positioned a year ago. Is all of this obsessive? Are there other matters that should be occupying me? I wonder – only – whether – I can appropriately interface with this moss – in a creative, loving and supportive way – without doing further harm – to it – or the environment. Or me.This will take a great deal of thought.
Marty Avery says:

September 8, 2005 at 14:53

I find gratitude a powerful way to see what is valuable. So at the end of the day, I thank the universe for what it has brought to me. Some days “breathing” is it. Some days I can’t stop the flow of what I am grateful for. Thing is, there is always ONE thing and with one’s focus, that solitary thing attracts friends. In whitewater kayaking, I learned that you focus on the line you wish to take through hazards, not all the hazards around you, because where you look is where you go.Gratitude will lead you to what you value…even if it hasn’t quite arrived yet.Side thoguht: A wise woman once told me to stop fighting myself, that I was the river. She’s not a paddler, but she is a smarty pants in business. The river changes over its course and creates beauty and erosion all the way along. The river does not fight being a river. It just is. Many depend on the river being exactly what it is–fluid and dynamic.
cindy says:

September 10, 2005 at 06:32

as I get older, I find it harder and harder to be resilient. Music, TV, walks … only temporary distracting my thoughts, but thoughts stay ‘internal’ and is not something that we can eredicate with will or by force. They submerge at some quiet moment, or provoke by another issue. I am reducing my activities to allow myself more time to response and hence less stress and perhaps more effective. Would that count towards ‘handling resilence’?Cindy
zach says:

September 10, 2005 at 15:37

Cindy: I suggest you learn about “mindfulness.” It will help with exactly the thing you are describing. Thick Nat Hanh has a good book about mindfulness and another famous book is “Wherever You Go, There You Are : Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life” Jon Kabat-Zinn.
zach says:

September 10, 2005 at 15:39

… in addition to these other things you find helpful.