![]() The Idea: Some suggestions for making conversations more graceful, polite and productive, drawing on Open Space protocols. Over the past week, I’ve spent at least twenty hours in conversations, and had lots of opportunity to practice what I preached in my recent article on Better Conversation. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m coming along very slowly. Move me from written language, which can be composed carefully, and where no one needs to see your horrific first drafts, to oral language, where you can’t take anything back, and where every silence hangs like an accusation of inarticulateness, and I’m way out of my element. I’m really struck at how apt the ‘dance’ analogy is:
Since most of my conversations are on Skype, I’ve posted some practice reminders on my laptop, to work on during conversations:
This last one is tough — what if there’s something else you want to talk about (or worse, nothing else you want to talk to this person about. How do you gracefully change the topic or end a conversation? This got me thinking about Open Space, and the protocols for that process, which is substantially a process for conversation. Could these protocols be applied to informal conversations (and even to various types of meetings)? Here’s what I came up with:
I have several more conversations slated for the next few days. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go write some invitations. |
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Excellent article, Dave. Over in my weblog, CONTENTIOUS, I’ve been exploring how it seems like too many conversations take on an argumentative form and tone. This can be tedious, intimidating, or alienating to many people (especially many women). See: http://blog.contentious.com/archives/2005/04/14/smashing-heads-does-not-open-mindsThis theme was also the topic of sociolinguist Deborah Tannen’s excellent book “The Argument Culture.” I’m trying to find effective, simple techniques for countering attempts to turn a discussion into an adversarial argument. I’m not too successful so far — the argument culture is so ingrained in Western Society (especially in business circles) that a lot of people seem to think that’s the only or best way to explore an issue. It’s hard to have any other kind of discussion with them.Do you have any advice or thoughts on this?- Amy Gahran Editor, CONTENTIOUS
There is an English word for “participants in a conversation”: Conversants.
Or “interlocutors”.
Amy…David Bohm points out that the root of the word “discussion” is shared with “concussion” and “percussion” It’s the banging, clashin part.By contrast “conversation” means “to turn to one another…” a much subtler art.Great comment and a great post Dave. I love how you are finding Open Space and the practice of conversation. Next stop: hosting!
“why is there no noun in English for ‘participants in a conversation’?”You’re right. I thought maybe “conversants” would work, but it’s listed in the dictionary I checked only as an adjective. Still, I think I would adopt it for this use.
My, such an erudite group. Conversant as an adopted noun would be ambiguous — it could refer to someone who’d converted rather than someone in a conversation. Interlocutor sounds like a participant in S&M activity, and even though it’s denotatively correct, it carries a connotation of ‘middleman in the conversation’ (and hardly anyone can pronounce it). And ‘conversation’ also shares etymology with ‘conversion’ (not so subtle). Chris: Thanks for the link — gulp, not sure I’m ready for that yet ;-)Amy: I think this ties into my observation that we tend to make up our mind about new subjects quite quickly and easily, and then cling to our views belligerently from that time on. Perhaps the answer is to only allow ‘conversants’ who don’t yet know what they’re talking about…
“Interlocutor sounds like a participant in S&M activity, and even though it’s denotatively correct, it carries a connotation of ‘middleman in the conversation’ (and hardly anyone can pronounce it).”Interlocutor comes from the latin interloqui: to interrupt. Locutor comes from loqui: to talk (think of eloquence).Funny cultural differences: interlocuteur in French is exactly the word you’re looking for and carries none of the connotations you mention. But I like your comparison with S&M and the fact it’s hard to pronounce (for an English speaker ;-)).
Dave, for what it’s worth I think that you are intermittently *hostful* as the author and moderator of this blog, more so than you are in 3D life and in verbal dialogue. Have remarked this since the first time I met you …