| We are pleased to announce the formation of a new, worldwide political party.
The new party will have no name, because names are misleading, ambiguous, provocative, exclusive and inflexible.
The new party will have no platform, because platforms are transient and opportunistic, and no policy, because honesty is the best policy and if we were to be honest it would be so depressing we would never get elected.
The new party is opposed to war, but is also opposed to peace-in-our-time, peace-at-any-cost, peace-that-surpasseth-understanding, and any other hyphenated-sort-of-peace.
The new party does not believe in ‘semi-permeable’ borders, military ‘solutions’, ‘carrot-and-stick’ diplomacy, ‘sustainable’ growth, emergency ‘preparedness’, corporate ‘self-regulation’ or anything ‘embedded’ or ‘pre-emptive’, although it appreciates the irony.
The new party’s position on the political spectrum is represented by a quantum equation. If asked by the media what this means, the correct explanation is ‘probably’.
The new party will consist of an infinite number of ominous-sounding ‘cells’. Maximum membership in any cell will be one.
The new party will adopt as its logo the superimposition of the letter ‘I’ and a question mark. The question mark represents the party’s mandate to never stop questioning, challenging, doubting and disbelieving. Accordingly, reporters and compulsive viewers of FoxNews do not qualify for membership.
The letter ‘I’ represents the fundamental attributes required of members: intelligent, informed, individual, independent-thinking, imaginative, and intuitive. Cells may add additional I-words. However, the addition of intransigent, incoherent, and inarticulate, while admirably honest, is discouraged.
Because of the implicit plurality of the party, members of the party will be encouraged to use the letter ‘I’ as a plural pronoun. Following is an illustration:
All of I are in favour of free speech. but I are of the opinion that trade should not be ‘free’, but instead should be kept in Guantanamo for further questioning without the aid of lawyers.
Thank you for your attention. You may now resume your regular ranting, anxious reading, and fruitless screaming into the darkness.